The Fly
When I was a kid there were three monsters I was utterly terrified by.
The first: Chucky from Child's Play, quite frankly the dude still kinda scares me, especially because my older brother would tell me Chucky would reach out of the toilet when I was going number 2 and attack me with his knife. Well guess what Chucky, I've already had the knife down there so you ain't scarin' no one!
The second: Pennywise from IT, I mean who likes clowns anyway?? Honestly though, now that I've discovered the new Pennywise is gay and happily in love with The Babadook, I feel much more comfortable (click here to read up on the goss). It's important to note, that this is not an attack on the LGBTQ community. I'm certainly not stating that gay people cannot be a) murderers, b) wonderful people, c) scary/intimidating or d) all of the above, I'm just saying all the gay people I know are wonderful people and therefore am less afraid of Pennywise by association.
The third: Sethaniel Brundle from The Fly, also known as Brundlefly. Holy mother of god. For those of you who are not faimliar, the movie is about a a mad scientist who works day and night on a machine that allows for tele-transportation, by means of deconstructing an object's (or in his case, a human's) molecular structure in one chamber, and reorganizing them in another, ergo achieving tele-transportation. BUT, something goes terribly wrong when he decides to test the machine on himself... a fly sneaks into the chamber, causing the machine to deconstruct both beings, and reconstruct them together in Brundle's body. And thus begins Brundle's transformation from human to mansize fly. LOOK AT THE DARN THING!!! IT'S TERRIFYING!!!!!!!
Today, I have lost all the hair on my body. 20 plus days with very little signs of hair loss and I thought to myself, "Hell yes!! I may feel utterly demolished, but at least it looks like I've dodged the hair loss bullet!" Well I was quite mistaken. As I shampooed my head, I noticed there were hairs here and there, and as I continued to rub, I noticed it was all coming out.
To be perfectly honest, it hit me. "Dammit. I have cancer. I've been mutilated. I've been poisoned. Pushed into a seemingly endless downward spiral of pain both physical and emotional in equal proportions. And now finally, I'm losing my hair. This is real."
I'm not going to lie, I cried. I cried like a god damn little baby. Until it hit me... "Dude... this must be how Seth Brundle felt when he lost his hair and that guy didn't cry like a little sissy! No way, instead he started walking on the walls and the ceiling like a fly!!" I mean, how bad ass is that??? Dude finds out he's likely to stop being a human, and he's like "Sweet! I've got mad strength!!! Guess I'll melt this person's head so I can eat it now." Wait a minute... I don't quite relate to that bit. But, I will say this, though I'm not turning into Brundlefly, and though I can practically catch the plague by lifting a finger, I've come away from this experience with three facts wiser:
- I've got the emotional strength to know this is temporary, and that the moment my physical strength has returned in it's entirety, "I'll be back" (in all it's Schwarzenegger glorious connotations)
- I am much more good looking than Brundlefly if even by a little
- And more importantly, The Fly ain't that scary!! He wouldn't even hurt a... hmmm...
One thing is for sure. FUCK. CANCER.